Higher education is a complicated environment for supervisors. Input, collegiality, and community are highly valued, creating a common, yet deeply personal, challenge: the tension between being liked and being respected. It's natural to want to be liked; it feels good, builds connection, and seems essential in a culture that prizes consultation and collaboration. Many supervisors, especially those who now lead former (or future) peers, understandably want to preserve positive, supportive relationships, some of which have been built over many years.
What’s the Difference?
- Being liked means being seen as personable, agreeable, and easy to work with.
- Being respected, however, is rooted in trust: trust that you will be fair, follow through on expectations, communicate honestly, and make decisions that support the broader mission.
A focus on being liked often comes from wanting to smooth over conflict and avoid saying or doing things that might be met with disagreement or an emotional reaction. Respect, on the other hand, is earned through credibility, fairness, and the ability to handle conflict well. While the two are not mutually exclusive, the most effective leaders learn that lasting trust – and often, genuine connection – grows from a foundation of respect.
Shifting Focus: Practical Strategies for Earning Respect
Choosing to prioritize respect doesn't mean a leader needs to be harsh or unapproachable. In fact, many of the actions that build respect are rooted in caring for your team's well-being and professional growth.
- Lead with Clarity: Help your team succeed by setting clear goals, roles, and expectations. This clarity reduces anxiety and builds the trust needed for confident performance.
- Provide Timely and Honest Feedback: While difficult, providing constructive feedback is a sign of care. Avoiding these conversations to preserve harmony can build confusion and resentment over time.
- Demonstrate Integrity and Consistency: Earning trust hinges on two key actions: fairly applying policies and following through on commitments. It also involves making tough decisions that prioritize the organization's best interests, even when those decisions aren't popular.
In an academic culture that values autonomy, respect is often earned through influence rather than authority. In addition, many leaders in higher education rise through the ranks based on technical expertise, academic accomplishments, or service. As a result, new supervisors often lead people they’ve worked alongside for years. In that situation, it’s natural to want to preserve collegial ties, and it can feel risky to assert authority, set expectations, or address underperformance.
- Lead Through Shared Values: Ground your decisions in shared principles like academic integrity, equity, or student success to build credibility.
- Use Influence Over Authority: Academic environments respond best to leaders who consult and persuade rather than simply command.
- Clarify Your Supervisory Role: In collaborative settings, it is respectful to gently clarify expectations, timelines, and responsibilities to ensure everyone understands their role.
While every leader naturally wants to be liked, true leadership effectiveness — the ability to build great teams and foster a healthy environment — is ultimately founded on respect.
As you reflect on your approach, ask yourself not, “Do they like me?” but rather, “Am I helping others trust me to lead with fairness, clarity, and purpose?” Answering that question with confidence is what allows you to make a lasting, positive impact. Keep in mind that caring enough to speak up and address interpersonal challenges, even when it’s uncomfortable, sends a powerful signal: everyone deserves to work in a respectful environment.
