Reflective Listening
Reflective listening is one of the key techniques in building trust as it helps:
Provide an accurate understanding of what someone is thinking and how they are feeling.
Reduce interpersonal conflict and address the underlying problem or source of the conflict.
The other person builds more self-awareness, possibly gains a new perspective, and feels heard.
Reflective listening goes beyond simply listening and involves these steps:
What does this look like?
- What is the person saying?
Relay your understanding back to the person in your own words.
Make sure they agree that you accurately understand what they are trying to communicate.
- How are they feeling?
Pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal communication. E.g., if the person is sitting with his arms crossed and not making eye contact, this could indicate he is still not being heard.
Mastering Reflective Listening
Do: Ask questions and make statements that encourage the person to clarify what they are thinking and how they are feeling.
- Clarifying:
- "It sounds like you’re not sure why your colleague disagreed with you in the meeting. Is that right?"
- "Could you give me an example of that?"
- Understanding:
- "It must be really frustrating when she says she agrees with you, but then goes to other people after the meeting and complains about you."
- Summarizing and Paraphrasing:
- "So, you want his input on the project, but you find his way of asking questions irritating. Am I right about that?"
- "It sounds like the expectations for how the two of you are to work together are unclear. How can I clarify this for you?"
Do: Ask open-ended questions and avoid closed questions. Open-ended questions allow for a more in-depth conversation. Closed questions have brief responses, often just one word, and don’t give the other person much opportunity to explain their thoughts and feelings.
- Open-ended:
- "What happened when you asked her for the information?"
- “How did you handle it when she made those comments to you?"
- Closed:
- "Did you get the information you needed?"
- "How many times has she made that comment to you?"
Don’t:
- Interrupt the other person.
- Give advice, change the subject, or judge what the person is saying.
- Share your own views or opinions until you have demonstrated to the other person that you accurately understand them.