View or download the printable version of the Quick Guide to Managing Your Emotions (PDF).
When facing a conflict, it is normal to feel angry, frustrated, and stressed out. Managing these negative feelings allows you to focus on the situation in a productive way and to avoid doing and saying things that make the conflict worse. Reacting out of anger and frustration is not likely to resolve anything.
How do I start?
Don't:
- Respond to someone by confronting them out of anger, whether by email or in person; it'll only make the conflict worse.
- Take things personally; don't assume other people's responses are about you.
- "Take the bait" (being provoked or having your buttons pushed).
Do:
- Calm down to respond more productively.
- Set boundaries and limits; be clear about what you will and will not do.
- Pay attention to people, issues, and situations that can be emotionally difficult.
- Echo name-calling or hostile feedback calmly and firmly by asking:
- "Did I hear you correctly? Did you call me an idiot?"
- "Can you say that again?"
- Mentally rehearse a calm and rational response when you anticipate a "hot-button" situation.
- Role-play difficult situations with your supervisor, a colleague, or someone else to practice self-control strategies.
Mastering two specific techniques will help you manage your emotions and approach the conflict more productively. These techniques are practicing delayed response and using non-reactive statements.
Techniques for staying calm and productive during conflict
Delayed Response
When a conflict catches you by surprise or you are angry at someone, pause and think about the situation before responding.
Use Non-Reactive Statements
Non-reactive statements help you to calm down anger and frustration and focus on handling the situation productively.